21st Century Wineskins

My brother-in-law Joel made this comment on my last blog post Out of the Church Building and Into the World.

“I think it would be encouraging to hear about examples from your experience and those you’re working with on this sort of thing happening – so we get real-life fleshed out for us and see what it looks like.”

It’s a good bet that if one person wants real life examples others probably do as well. So I’d like to tell you about my friend Bob.

Bob is my next door neighbor and he has given me permission to write about how our friendship has developed and the influence that friendship has had on being able to share my faith in Jesus with him.

I met Bob about three years when he and his fiancé bought the house across the street from ours (we both live on corner lots separated by a quiet side street). I greeted them one Sunday morning on my way to church and welcomed them to the neighborhood. They seemed like a nice couple, friendlier than the college kids who lived in the house before they bought it. We greeted each other and talked a little over the next few months when we came and went from our homes.

I guess we made a good impression because Bob & Jeannie asked our girls to cat sit while they went on a weekend camp out with friends. I went to their house one evening with Beth while she made sure the cat had food, water, and some loving (Beth is a cat person). I noticed several books on their shelf of a spiritual nature, and since I’m really interested in world religions and spirituality, I made a mental note to ask Bob about it sometime.

If memory serves me correctly, the next event that deepened our friendship was being able to help out in an emergency situation. Jeannie’s brother was in a serious car accident and we watched Jeannie’s daughter until her grandparents arrived while Bob and Jeannie were at the hospital with her brother. I told them I would pray for them (and I really did). BTW – Jeannie’s brother was not too seriously injured and made a complete recovery.

Now, I don’t want you to think this is a one way relationship. Bob has done several things to help me out as well. One of the biggest was helping Ben change the brakes on his car. Ben had never done it before so Bob helped with the job and even got him parts as a discount through his work contacts. Bob also helped sell Nathanael’s totaled car at an auction which netted Nathanael more money than the junk yard would have given him for it.

One cold fall day Bob mentioned he was putting insulation in his attic, but was a little claustrophobic and didn’t like the idea of climbing up in the rafters and crawling around in tight spots.

“I’m not claustrophobic,” I said, “I’ll climb up there and put the insulation in for you.”

“You’d do that for me?” Bob replied.

“Sure,” I answered.

After the job was finished we shared a cold beer (Sam Adams Cherry Wheat) and our friendship was firmly cemented.

About a year went by and we continued to hang out together talking about sports, life, parenting, and everything else friends talk about. Bob knew I was a Christian in full-time ministry, but we really hadn’t talked too much about our relationship with God. It came up from time to time, but was never the subject of a long conversation. Shortly after I resigned from ISI I mentioned to Bob I was starting a new nonprofit called Relational Life Ministries.

“Hey, I’d be interested in hearing more about this thing you’re starting,” he told me one night last November.

So we spent about three hours that night sipping a brew and talking in my garage. It was then I mentioned the spiritual books I noticed in his living room and asked him where he was on his spiritual journey. He told me all sorts of interesting things about his younger life. He shared stories of growing up in Idaho, being raised in the church, but finding it lacking, and how, through this lifelong journey, his spirituality has evolved (and is still evolving) into an eclectic mix of Christian, Buddhist, and Native American influences. I listened, asked questions, and then shared my story of coming to faith in Jesus. I told him how that led me into full-time Christian ministry and shaped my vision for authentic Christian community. As the conversation continued I explained my desire to start a ministry dedicated to creating that kind of community and to helping people learn how to share their faith in Jesus in a relational rather than confrontational way. At the end of the conversation Bob said he really liked a lot of the ideas I talked about and would like to participate in some of the discussion groups I mentioned.

As he was leaving to go home that night he said, “I really enjoyed our conversation, I like to talk about things like this, but I’m happy where I am spiritually.”

We don’t see eye to eye about the claims of Christ being the sole way to have a relationship with God, but the bridge of friendship we have built together is strong enough to allow me to share my beliefs without driving a wedge between us.

This is a real-life example of what I hope to help others be able to do with the friends and family God has brought into their lives.